Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Atheist film ‘The Ledge’ will only work if it’s also a good film!

Friday, July 1st, 2011

Movies relating to atheism and religion have always been an arena of both idiocy and disappointment. In general, attempts to misrepresent the non-religious come off as thinly-veiled evangelizing pieces; whilst scripts from our side carry a good story and message, but have been let down in the past by it’s execution.

The scientific, and atheistic, community collectively face-palmed at Ben Stein’s Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed, which was most certainly the working title, in which the monotone professor from The Mask explained how any scientist who put forward an Intelligent Design (the “theory” that relies on magic) oriented paper was immediately chucked out of their institution. To show how fair and balanced this was, it was peppered with old film-reels of the Nazis, Hitler and the Holocaust; Stein never explained what their relevance was, but the implication was laid on thick, because that’s what propaganda does. Complete with token interviews with Richard Dawkins and PZ Myers with selective editing so obvious it can be seen from space. Incidentely, the studio that produced Expelled recently went bankrupt and had to sell the film rights, complete with all production materials (e.g. footage cut from the movie) to cover their debts. There was a murmur about TalkOrigins bidding to buy it, but nothing came of this and the film was ultimately “won” by an unnamed buyer for around $200,000. You’ve got to admit though, for all Stein’s idiotic displays, he has managed to work out how to be a moderately prolific actor (albeit almost entirely as brief background characters) with no acting talent, or ability to inflect his voice, whatsoever.

That's also the slogan to his clubhouse

Even fiction, such as 2009’s Creation, a biopic of Charles Darwin’s life as he struggles with the death of his daughter and the implications of his developing theory of evolution, can be touchy. Despite the film having surprisingly little to do with the theory, the lion’s share of the screen time exploring Darwin’s grief (the story being based on the book Annie’s Box by Darwin’s descendant Randal Keynes), the very thought of a film about Charles Darwin was enough to make most film distributors in the US resist showing it, fearing it would be too controversial. Every review written by an explicitly religious website talks less about the movie and more about the theory of evolution, in all cases failing to understand it and simply going on what they’ve been told by creationist preacher and noted soap-dropper Kent Hovind. The film itself is actually nothing special, it’s a visually amazing film with great cinematography, but the acting is sub-par.

The obvious religious imagery couldn't have helped, though

There was also Bill Maher’s Religulous, which was mostly just the American comedian and pundit knocking around the world looking at different religions, making a few (but too few) valid criticisms and mostly just taking the piss; very entertaining but a bit superficial. Not to mention the countless films made for or about religions, such as Kirk Cameron’s abysmal Left Behind, even the title is one big line-feed for the actor-turned-Evangelical-fuckwit to ham up.

Yes, this is what Kirk thinks evolution is

So it’s with a sense of unease that I read about a new film that will address this debate. Another descendant of Charles Darwin, Matthew Chapman, has written and directed The Ledge for release later this year, a film explicitly regarding atheism and the way that affects how one looks at life and death. I like that the atheist community is increasingly being represented, but that’s more of a feeling of empathy given that the atheist “controversy” is a much wider issue in the US than it is for me in the UK. It all depends on how the religious aspect of the story is addressed. From what little of the synopsis I’ve been able to find, it seems to be a Phonebooth-esque psychological thriller, though there’s certainly a religious aspect involved and, as it’s included in every synopsis I’ve read, this appears to be being emphasised. I suspect the dialogue in the film will make little reference to it, but it’s marketing is such that some people are now referring to it as “the Brokeback Mountain” moment of atheism, given what that film did for the gay rights movement. Good on you, New York, by the way.

I don’t know if this is the case, but I certainly think that any intellectually honest examination of religion, and those who lack a faith, can only be a good thing. Expelled did nothing to turn the opinions of normal people, only the zealots who wanted an excuse to hate “evolutionists” anyway, simply because of how transparent it was. I hope that the message in The Ledge is subtle (both to make it an enjoyable film and to stop it looking like propaganda) but clear, that it might make people think about this issue in more than the black-or-white/good-or-evil way that religious propagandists like Ben Stein wish to portray it.

If the film carries the “atheist” banner too highly, then it’ll put religious people off, it’ll put off the people who simply aren’t interested in the debate (let’s face it, if you’re not interested then this argument is tedious!), and it’ll come off simply as propaganda. That’s not to say the people behind the film should shy away from the message, far from it, but they need to understand that to portray the message you want to put across you have to get your audience interested, and then make them think.

X-Men: First Class (Review)

Tuesday, June 14th, 2011

This review contains spoilers.

X-Men: First Class is the latest in Marvel’s most enduring film series, unlike Spiderman and Hulk this series has never required a reboot and, if this latest film is anything to go by, it won’t need to any time soon.

The first thing I’ll say is that if you’re a purist, you’ll hate this film. It’s definitely a prequel to the film trilogy starring Patrick Stewart and company, and they’ve clearly tried to keep it consistent with these films, but there are still some pretty glaring errors. For example, we learn right at the beginning that young Charles Xavier and young Raven Darkholme (Mystique) met as children in 1944 and share a sibling relationship. Ten minutes into the movie and series continuity has already gotten the hell out of there.

But, in my humble opinion, that’s a good thing. I love the trilogy films, but they are pretty dated by now and what’s more they tried to pack as many references to the comics as possible. I think it would’ve been a worse film if they’d been going through stories and ideas yet decided not to use certain characters or reference certain things simply because they made a vague allusion to it in X2. For example, in this film we learn that in defending himself, Magneto deflects a bullet into Charles’ spine, paralysing him just after he’s instigated the war between mutants and humans. This was in 1962, set at the height of the Cuban Missile Crisis, when we see both Professor X walking in 1979 during Wolverine, plus we see a walking Charles that still has a budding bromance with Magneto when they go and see Jean Grey in the 1980’s at the start of X3. Glaring oversights perhaps, but it helps to set up the character that Magneto will become: his actions manage to cause harm to his closest friend, but his determination for revenge allows him to continue; it would’ve been a worse film if they’d decided not to include that poignant moment simply for the sake of minor continuity.

I had my doubts about James McAvoy playing Charles Xavier, simply because I thought he appeared too young to play a mentor character in the same way as Patrick Stewart did, and playing opposite the older looking Michael Fassbender as his friend Erik. However, I was happily proven wrong; he has the warmth as a mentor of Patrick Stewart but with the youth that the character is meant to have here characterised perfectly, I can’t fault McAvoy at all.

Unfortunately, 11 years and four films still hasn’t allowed them to perfect one of the enduring issues that happens in every movie thus far: the mutants they use are boring! Sure, they appeal to the comic books geeks who know and love the obscure, seldom-seen mutants; but for mass-appeal it’s poorly equipped. I consider myself a fan, but my knowledge of the characters extends only to the cartoons, not the comics, as I think is the case for most. What’s worse is that even the obscure ones are fucking dull, if they hadn’t come up with some contrived way for Banshee to fly he would’ve just been a guy who screams a lot. Mystique literally doesn’t do anything during the final battle, Havok loses the suit-attachment that maintains his powers early on, and Beast just hits people. Even the other side of the coin, Shaw’s tornado-inducing henchman never seems to do anything with it, teleporters are boring so we have to give them blue or red skin; nobody does a bloody thing! The only mutant who acheives something in the final battle is Charles who, as a telepath, barely has to move in the process of doing so.

This is the case for all of the films, particularly the original trilogy in which the main focus was Rogue. In the cartoons/comics, if she maintained physical contact for long enough to a mutant she would kill them but acquire their power as a result. As I recall, before the start of the cartoon series, she had some dark past of killing a few mutants but having their powers, which made her actually useful in a battle. In each film they had to find some excuse to get rid of her for the final battle because she couldn’t do a thing! The films didn’t even think of allowing her to kill someone in the process of discovering her powers just to make her more interesting. In First Class there were no mutants blasting shit, which is what the primitive side of our brains want. The battle between Magneto and Shaw was hastened to a speedy resolution, the other mutants seemed more concerned with escape and defence, especially one Havok, the only mutant capable of blowing shit up, was rendered pretty powerless early into the battle. I’ll admit that the boat about to cross the line that would incite nuclear war was pretty tense, but still quickly resolved. The final battle, as far as the ‘First Class’ mutants involvement, felt more like a Benny Hill sketch than a superhero battle!

I was talking to someone who decried the amount of talking to the detriment to the amount of action. However, I quite enjoyed the balance; in Wolverine there were practically constant action sequences, to the extent that some battles were being included just for the sake of it with no apparent narrative use or even sense. This film was a good balance of both, and with the whole X-Men series being basically one big allegory, it was good to see the latest interpretation of that in the dialogue.

However, there was a very odd moment that seemed shoe-horned in for continuity in spite of the story. We’ve learnt by now that Charles and Raven had this brother-sister relationship, and that the latter uses her powers to maintain a regular appearance but feels shame at hiding. Despite the fact that Charles has clearly accepted her for her entire life as she is, and that his opinion that she should hide is clearly for her own protection. She’s played as a foil for Beast, played well by Nicholas Hoult, who wants to hide his mutant form; yet she seems to take his own issues as a personal insult, despite everyone treating her well regardless of her appearance, and decides to join Magneto to fight the humans who have never made, at least onscreen, the slightest comment on her appearance. Overlooking how very different her characterisation here and her malice in the “future” movies is, her departure seems totally abitrary and I found it very difficult to believe that she had been so deeply affected to build such hatred and contempt for humans so quickly. Jennifer Lawrence played her competently enough, but the character development for her was paper-thin; it was like Anakin falling to the dark side in Star Wars.

All in all, X-Men: First Class is perhaps the most enjoyable of the X-Men films. The odd choice of characters make action sequences fairly dull, and character development seems stunted in some cases to make time to progress the Charles-Erik relationship; but I suppose that was the point of the film. It’s maybe the same sort of film as X2 but with a far greater sense of purpose.

Doctor Who-The-Fuck?

Sunday, June 5th, 2011

Well, despite my last blog post the rapture didn’t occur, so I can only assume that, as predicted, Harold Camping is full of shit.

Moving on, the first half of the sixth series of Doctor Who came to a shuddering conclusion last night, and as the purveyor of all things Who and the self-appointed authority on the show, I would be remiss not to comment. This review will contain spoilers abound, so if you had the poor judgement to read a blog post on a topic that you didn’t want to have spoilt for you then…you’re a fucking idiot, you might as well carry on reading because the spoilers will be lost on you anyway.

River Song

In my stupidity, I heard a spoiler about River Song’s identity being the daughter, in some manner or other, of Amy Pond. When I heard it, however, I dismissed it as outlandish and inaccurate because I honestly didn’t think they were going to do that. I don’t know why, but I think that the mystery that has surrounded River Song for nearly four years was a bit of a damp squib. Sure, it’s a sensational twist that I adore, but I was expecting the identity of River to have some massive personal impact on The Doctor, the protagonist of almost 50 years. Instead, it was more of an impact on Amy and Rory and a bit of an ineffectual moment for everyone else, even The Doctor (when he realised) seemed to show relatively little reaction besides finding it a bit bemusing and then buggering off in the TARDIS. The whole thing, in my humble opinion, fell a bit flat in terms of dramatic tension; but in terms of plot it’s a fantastic twist that I think will give us a lot in character development in the coming series. That is, assuming the burdens of motherhood permit Mrs. Pond to remain aboard the TARDIS.

The Cliffhanger

I take issue with the series cliffhanger, because Moffat has spent ages telling us that the cliffhanger at the end of the series, which was the reveal of River Song’s identity, would be a total game-changer that would have us begging for the next half of the series. Now, I certainly can see how it would be a game-changer, but it’s hardly a nailbiting conclusion to the series; the cliffhanger of the previous episode, The Almost People, was a bigger cliffhanger than tonight’s episode. I almost feel like having Amy melt at the end of the episode, revealed as a Ganger copy held hostage in a birthing chamber, would’ve been a good place to close the series. Then have River’s reveal at the start of the second half and let the series carry on from there.

A cliffhanger is so-called because the episode should generally end with some immediate danger that seems inescapable, the resolution of it coming at the start of the next series. A narrative secret finally revealed can work as the end of the series, but it’s far divorced from a cliffhanger; especially seeing as the last we heard of The Doctor was him saying that he’s worked out how to save the baby, with such brazen casualness he might as well have been saying he was nipping off to buy teabags.

Amy and Rory

Moffat blatantly reads this blog, because I wrote in a post ages ago that Amy needs to stop having this flirtatious back and forth with The Doctor whilst Rory just stares blankly at it all like the bland demographic filler that he was last series. This series, I’ve been pleased to see that, with self-referential humour, Moffat has both ceased and actively desisted; I speak, of course, of all the times that we’ve heard Amy say something that we originally thinks refers to The Doctor, and it turns out to be about Rory. Amy, besides spending the entire series as an unwitting Time Lord oven, has done very little this series of note, besides serving to deliver a vague allegory about identity when faced with clones. Not even Rory has done a great deal worth a damn, besides the fairly predictable show of heroics and general badassery when Amy is taken, as we see the Cyberman ship blow up expensively behind him. Cool guys don’t look at explosions.

Best Episode

They were all very good this series, it’s very rare that I enjoy the “filler” episodes like The Curse of the Black Spot and the Rebel Flesh saga, but they were very well written and felt much like early Doctor Who, with the simple concept of a time travelling alien in a blue box. The continuity-heavy episodes were just as good, with a particular mention for The Doctor’s Wife for it’s superb writing courtesy of Neil Gaiman and it’s contribution to the mythos. The opening two-parter was fun, but became a little too confusing for my taste, and of course we have the series closer which, despite not having an actual cliffhanger, was a fun “let’s bring back a fuck-ton of stuff from the current era and mash it randomly into one episode” type of deal, serving only really as a vehicle for the River Song reveal.

What’s to come?

Well, the title of the next episode Let’s Kill Hitler makes me wonder if Quentin Tarantino has been bought into write an episode, but it also seems to imply that, unless the next half of the series is going to be a six-part chase after the stolen child, the missing baby deal will be wrapped up rather quickly. I hope, and expect, the former; and I also wonder if this episode will see a return of Ian McNeice’s Winston Churchill. I also anticipate there will be some emotional back-and-forth scene between River Song and Amy. Other than that, I have nothing to offer in terms of predictions, the latter half of the series is still in production, and I’m desperately avoiding spoilers between now and then.

Last ever blog post

Tuesday, May 17th, 2011

Yes, you read the title correctly. Owing to circumstances beyond my control, I will never be able to write to this, or any, blog ever again. It’s not that I don’t want to, far from it. Nor is it that I don’t have the time to, though that’s been the reason for no recent posts in a slurry of time-consuming work that will shortly be alleviated. If it were up to me, I’d carry on spouting poorly written polemics on technology, literature, religion and other such stuff for the three of you that ever read this damn thing for the rest of my days. Sadly, it’s not up to me…because, well, you see…

The world is going to end.

Yes, I will never be able to write in this blog again because the rapture is coming. According to Christian radio host, self-appointed Biblical scholar and dehydrated Kenneth Williams lookalike, Harold Camping, has announced that the Bible predicts, indeed guarantees that the rapture will occur on May 21st 2011. This Saturday, as it happens, so good to see the Big Guy is doing it on the day when everyone’s off work.

Harold Camping

The rapture, according to Christian mythology, is the time when Jesus Christ will return to earth (making his “sacrifice” even more worthless in the process) and summon all the good and righteous Christians to take them away to the magical theme park in the sky. Common imagery of this event depicts piles of clothes being left behind, which both makes God a lecherous old bastard as well as meaning that there will be a lot of well-dressed hobos around after May 21st.

Meanwhile, all us sinning atheists, gays/lesbians, Muslims, Hindus, evolutionists and ducks will be left behind to bask in the horrible world without Christianity, wouldn’t that suck! Turns out it would, because God’s field-trip for all the good boys and girls will let demons and monsters and Jeremy Beadle into the human realm; as though Jesus was the sphincter of the H. P. Lovecraft universe. Us sinners will be tortured and tormented for a couple of months, before the sadistic Dumbledore in the sky finally hits the delete button and ends it all, according to Camping, on October 21st 2011.

Why does this mean this is my last blog post? Well, presumably if Harry is right I’ll be spending the next five months or so running like fuck and probably won’t have the time or motivation to take the piss out of religion.

And why wouldn’t Harold Camping be right? I mean, he’s studied the Bible closely, he found God’s hidden code and drawn out only one possible date, verified throughout scripture that this date, May 21st 2011, was the day of the rapture. It’s not like he pulled the same stunt and found out the rapture would occur 19 years ago and turned out to be wrong on that.

Ah.

Yep, Harry worked out the date of the rapture before, gathered up anyone stupid enough to believe him and spent months loudly proclaiming it to be so. When the world didn’t end when I was 18 months old, Camping chalked it up to a mistake on his part. Well, at least he took responsibility personally rather than trying to claim that God overslept that day or something.

Of course, I’m not even going to entertain the ludicous notion that this might actually be true. So it’ll be interesting to see if, unlike last time, when this rapture inevitably fails to occur, will the Campingites (yes, that’s what they’re calling themselves) spend as much money putting out a retraction, making apologies and publicising their mistake as they have to promote Judgement Day?

I hope the end of the world does come on Saturday, firstly because I’ve still got exams to do, but mostly so that we can spend five glorious months without these morons around.

Bliss.

Doctor Who Series 6 (Predictions)

Thursday, April 21st, 2011

The sixth series of Doctor Who starts on Saturday so, for no other reason but that I did it last year, here are some of my predictions:

Not really any spoilers, but some of my speculations may be spoilers if they turn out to be true.

Unlike previous years, this series is split into two halves. This upcoming first one will comprise seven episodes, ending on a cliffhanger that will be resolved when the show returns for the six-episode second half of the series in the autumn. Between the two halves of the series, Torchwood will return with it’s fourth series (something of a revival) for ten weeks; I’ve not been looking into Torchwood too much so I know next to nothing about what’s happening, except that it’s entirely set in the States and will not feature Ianto Jones, stop whining, fangirls/fanboys! I’m quite excited for the split in the series as it means twice the number of “event” episodes and it will massively reduce the amount of time between two fixes of Who.

I’m anticipating this series a great deal because it will, reportedly, finally answer the questions we’ve been asking since…well, last year. Steven Moffat, in his first capacity as Executive Producer and Head Writer of Doctor Who, went to a great deal of trouble to set up a story arc that should get resolved in this series. I’m pretty certain Moffat will tie up all the loose ends this year because if he keeps dragging it out and setting things up then the more the audience will expect at the eventual pay-off, and the more it will disappoint. If he wraps it up this year and it’s as supremely awesome as he’s indicated, then it’ll be brilliant, if not he might get some angry Who fanboys writing pissy little blog posts…

I get the impression that each episode of this series will be far more continuity heavy than usual, in the past every episode has had some vague allusion to the finale but we only really get something particularly involved with the overall plot every four or five episodes. If we’re going to reach a cliffhanger by episode 7, it’ll need to be pretty snappy; this will mean fewer “filler” episodes, where it’s just a man in a blue box running into famous faces from history and fighting some weird monster, which I slightly lament, but it’ll mean more fan-wank, which I slightly love. Not to mention, from the synopsis, trailers and a few spoilers I’ve read of the first episode, the story arc will be established pretty sharpish.

Something interesting is that the fourth episode of the series is called ‘The Doctor’s Wife’, a title previously assigned to River Song in some future adventure as yet unseen. Evidently, the title doesn’t actually refer to Song and is being linked to a one-shot character in that episode; dressed in a blue, Victorian style garb despite the backdrop indicating a setting in the future on a different planet. My gut feeling is that this is some sort of manifestation of the TARDIS, it’s repeatedly referred to using female pronouns and is the only real constant companion of The Doctor’s to speak of. This may also be bolstered by the glimpse in the trailer of Amy and Rory (I reckon he’s for the chop for real this time, by the way) in the TARDIS console room seen during the Eccleston and Tennant era, as well as some mutterings about seeing more of the TARDIS interior, so that’s my bet. However, the episode in question, which is being penned by writing legend Neil Gaiman, has been referred to as a “gamechanger”, so we’ll see.

As for River Song, a soundbite in the trailer heard her saying, “Today’s the day he finds out who I am.” Moffat is a connasseur of the Red Herring so this could be some out-of-context thing that will make little difference to the story, but I think we will need a lot more detail on River’s identity to be satisfied, if not the entire story. I think it’s one of the strengths of the character that we don’t fully know River’s background, so a grand unveiling seems unlikely, but we’ll certainly get more information.

The previous series was awash with constant references to “Silence”. I took that to be the abstract concept as the result of some universal cataclysm that would rock up at the end of the series, but apparently not. By the looks of it, “The Silence” are some race of alien creatures with a particularly nasty, though as yet undisclosed, means of killing people; how, or even if, they hijacked the TARDIS to cause the explosion that caused the Time Field cracks remains a mystery, but I doubt it. Likely the “Silence will fall” mantra refers to an even bigger game of wordplay that will lead inextricably to one central main villain. For some reason, the finale can’t really seem threatening if it’s directed at an entire race with only anonymous individuals, so a main villain has to come from it somehow. Possibly some “leader” of the Silence but I can’t shake the feeling it’s going to be some baddy we’ve already seen either since the revival or from the classic series, just to keep the continuity-bitches (yo) happy.

So that’s my take. I’ll do a review of the episode when it’s been broadcast, though bear in mind that the opening episode is a two-parter, the former of which is usually a disappointing setup, reserve judgement on the series at least until episode three.

Trailer Time!

Also, very sad to hear the news of Elisabeth Sladen passing away. Like many people, including Fourth Doctor actor Tom Baker reportedly, I didn’t even know she was suffering from cancer. A tribute program will be broadcast on Saturday immediately after ‘The Impossible Astronaut’ on the CBBC channel.

Update: The cast of Who did an interview for BBC America the other day and when asked who River Song is NOT they said that in Episode 7 (the last episode of this half) we will absolutely find out who she is. Karen Gillan, who plays Amy Pond, also let slip that the character that she is was introduced during the David Tennant era, which narrows it down a LOT. I don’t think it’s a regenerated version of Jenny, The Doctor’s daughter, because of the intimacy implied between River and The Doctor, plus Jenny was always characterised as a child and I think putting her in the body of this fairly mature actress is inhibitive for that purpose. It could be Lady Christina De Souza from Planet of the Dead given there was a throwaway line suggesting she was a Time Lord even though she was apparently human. The only other female character that was significant enough to make the payoff worthwhile is The Woman, from The End of Time, David Tennant’s swansong, whose identity was largely a mystery. It could be some reincarnated form of Astrid Peth, one-shot companion from the 2008 Christmas Special Voyage of the Damned. At the end of that episode, her character dies but is partially restored by The Doctor who, though he cannot give her a corporeal form, allows her restored molecules, her conciousness with it, to float away into space. It annoys me that we still have to wait 7 weeks to find out, possibly more if they fuck about with Eurovision!

Having a go at Rebecca Black is like complaining that My Little Pony is badly written

Monday, March 28th, 2011

So unless you’ve been living under a rock, are over the age of 27 or have a life, you will have heard of Rebecca Black: the thirteen year old pop sensation with her instant-meme song “Friday”.

In this soul-turning analysis of the human condition, Rebecca (and, for some reason, a poor-man’s Usher) speaks frankly about her requirement to get down on friday and elaborates on a typical thirteen-year old’s friday in excruciating detail which, somehow, involves driving. She goes on to explain the days that come prior to and proceeding friday itself which, for someone her age, is pretty advanced.

Obviously, this has become an internet sensation, with grumble-pit and bile-machine Twitter elevating Black’s song to superstardom (D’oh!) as being considered the worst song in the world. It’s certainly left itself ripe for parody, as this video aptly shows:

Ok, so Rebecca Black’s song is a numbingly vapid song that made my brain scream in sheer agony and show me pictures of dead puppies as punishment; but bear in mind that it’s clearly a song aimed at equally as culturally retarded thirteen-year olds as Black. If it was trying to appeal to the demographic that have spewed the bile at her then they wouldn’t have used someone so young, it’s basically like watching My Little Pony and complaining that the storylines are badly written.

Besides, there’s far worse in music-land that we take seriously and though there’s mocking it’s nowhere near as cruel and total as what Black has endured (with remarkable decorum for her age I should add), and that comes in the glitter-crusty form of Kesha.

Ke$ha (Key-dollar-sign-ha!) has consistently given us such cerebral classics as “Tik Tok”, “Blah Blah Blah” and “We R Who We R”, all of which sound like a generic polyphonic ringtone from 2001 with lyrics that make as much sense as a marmalade torpedo. Arguably, her songs are a far more blatant attempt to make money off far more vapid and generic songs. She (and by ’she’ I mean the record label sticking dollars in her cleavage, name or, by the looks of her, directly to her skin) projects the purposely over-exaggerated image of a party girl which, for some reason which makes me hate the human race for ever evolving, is considered aspirational. The record labels know, full well, that the archetype that Kesha displays is exactly what idiots in their early twenties want to be, and why’s that: because life is boring. Life is dull, and the Ke$ha lifestyle, for lack of a better word, looks exciting and interesting, so idiots aspire to it, and keep buying more of her shit to find out what scandalous acts they should perform next to be like her.

But she’s taken semi-seriously! She’s had number one hits, people buy this shit and NOT in an ironic way! Rebecca Black generates disproportionate hatred for a song aimed, sadly, at the right age-group so suitably hollow and moronic, whilst Kesha repeatedly pumps out ball-numbingly vacuous songs and is lauded for it!

Let Rebecca Black continue, if she can, to be a star to kids whilst we chuckle quietly at her; let’s deal with the far bigger problem of Kesha! When I establish my reich, we will march on her record label, take Kesha hostage and ask her some basic questions about current affairs, if she doesn’t answer with 100% accuracy (albeit most current affairs will probably be dominated by the fact that I’m somehow ruler of a newly established reich) then she will have her voicebox removed and fed to anybody who has bought her songs.

Now THAT’S proportionate!

Keep Calm!

Saturday, February 19th, 2011

Just something that occurred to me, I know it’s an awful joke:

Bill O’Rly

Sunday, February 6th, 2011

Meet Bill O’Reilly. Fox New’s shouty political commentator with the face of a cruel photoshop prank. Here’s a man who leans so far to the right that I can only assume the sudden bloodrush to the right hemisphere of his brain explains his balls-out stupidity.

He’s a man so borderline psychotic than even his own production team are drawing straws to enact a relaxing fellatio on him, as this clip from American news program ‘Inside Edition’ from the early nineties aptly shows:

Incidentely, I speculate that his confusion over the phrase “play us out” is because that’s a euphemism for fisting on his home planet.

Now he’s decided that science has a liberal bias and so has taken Fox News’ well-used bias stick to beat bias-science over the head with the fury of his own bias. It’s a truly amazing testament to cognitive dissonance that any news outlet, even one as batshit-crazy as the Murdoch press, can accuse so many people of bias whilst openly demonstrating their own bias. Fox News is essentially a comforting, self-validation show for people who already agree, if you don’t like having your ideas or values challenged by an opposing view then this is your show. When O’Reilly begins bashing science I consider him an idiot, but when he starts saying that, due to his own ignorance of science, I should believe in his particular branch of his particular religious belief in one of over 5000 documented dieties, that I take umbrage.

First though, a little context. Check out this interview our man did with evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins, note that rather than refer to Dawkins by any of the possible ways, Fox News attempts to demonstrate just how fair and balanced they are by leading with the caption “atheist”. Sure, it’s an accurate description, but surely something along the lines of “Author of ‘The God Delusion’” would’ve allowed Fox News to hide their contempt a little better.

Interestingly, when referring to this interview O’Reilly asserts without any hint of irony that he won this arguement. Well, I suppose it’s easy to win a discussion if you talk over your opponent for the duration.

You’d think, in four years since that interview, Bill would’ve had time to fill this gap in his knowledge; but no, far from attempting to find the answers as if he were some sort of, I dunno, journalist, here he is again in 2011 asking the exact same moronic questions.

Tellingly, for a man who asks so many questions and demands an explanation so fervently, it’s remarkable that this particular video is the only one on his channel that doesn’t allow comments; because God forbid someone might actually try to answer his question! Then again, I suppose it’s in-keeping with O’Reilly’s interview technique that he offers no direct opportunity to respond to his questions. I recommend watching some of his videos because it’s seriously like Conservapedia bought out an audiobook.

Bill’s technique here is his own subtle blend of the arguement from ignorance. Argumentum ad ignorantiam is a strawman arguement where someone says that something must be true because it has not, or cannot, be proven false; the most relevent example here being if someone were to say that you can’t disprove God, therefore God exists. It can also be used by people to assert that any gap in human knowledge, most often scientific, must mean that their God is the explanation.

What’s worse about Bill’s use of this fallacious tactic is that he’s not just saying that the gap in human knowledge should be filled by God, but that the gaps in his own knowledge should be proof of God. Because he doesn’t personally have a full understanding of how the tides work or how the moon was formed (and so on), it must be a show of desperation on the part of us pinheads to dare disagree with him. Who cares if the rest of the world, with the shared knowledge of thousands of years of scientific research, has a clue; if it falls out of Bill O’Reilly’s range of knowledge, it’s an unknown, a big old gap that must be filled with whatever particular superstition he’s “throwing in with.”

But then, it IS Fox.

Amazon Kindle 3 Review

Tuesday, January 25th, 2011

Remember books? They were primitive old things, weren’t they? Cumbersome blocks of paper and glue, being lugged around only a few at a time and the pages always staying the same. Thankfully, we’ve come to our senses and done away with them; well, we haven’t yet, but given the rise of the eBook Reader in the past two years, paper books are set to become a fiction. Likewise, when e-commerce website Amazon opened its servers in the late nineties they exclusively sold books, but now sell everything from Playstations to Marmite. But, going back to their roots, the first product Amazon manufactured themselves was the eBook Reader that kicked off the reading revolution. Now in its third generation, has the Kindle done for reading what Amazon did for shopping?

Amazon Kindle 3...and some books

Where the previous Kindle models had the tacky white casing of the lower priced MacBooks, the third generation sports a stylish graphite chassis less than a centimetre in width. Amazon have packed the keyboard and navigation buttons closer together to accommodate this sleeker casing. The page-turn buttons have been placed on either side of the Kindle’s 6-inch eInk screen, with the page-forward buttons are considerably larger than the page-back buttons, on the basis that you’ll use them more because you still read in an old-fashioned, linear fashion, you Luddite! The back-cover is a rather plain affair, but houses two speaker grilles at the top for when you’re using the text-to-speech function, because you’re too cheap to buy an audiobook. Underneath, you’ll uncover standard 3.5mm headphone jack, USB port, volume rocker and standby switch.

The new Kindle comes with Wi-Fi built in, and on the slightly pricier model comes with 3G as well. This is a major draw for bibliophiles and technophiles alike as it’s a free, contract-less, data connection that allows you to download eBooks from Amazon’s prolific store on a whim. Notably, the Kindle doesn’t support the open eBook format ePub, so you are mostly tied down to the Amazon store for getting your Tolstoy on. The Kindle also allows web browsing, but on an eInk screen this is tricky as most websites weren’t designed with greyscale in mind. Though it’s specially-adapted Wikipedia site does give the Kindle a delightful Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy feel, for general web browsing its poorly equipped. Predictably, the web browser is hidden behind a menu labelled “Experimental” which makes us think that if Amazon’s data bill racks up too much they may decide to pull the web-browsing feature from the Kindle altogether. The Kindle can also be linked to your Facebook and Twitter profiles and you can share passages and notes on a book, though you may lose all your friends as a result because you’ll look like a pretentious prick.

You cunt

The biggest difference between eBook Readers of this ilk and their sometimes competitor, the iPad, is the eInk screen. These screens essentially burn an image onto a screen by applying a charge to negatively and positively charged particles. These displays are beautifully crisp and clear, almost as though you’re looking at a perfectly printed page, in fact you more or less are. The main benefit of this feature is that you can read for long periods of time without getting the eye-strain you’d get from perusing an LCD screen. It’s black-and-white, but, on a device that’s primary purpose is reading books, colour seems a little redundant. Secondly, the screen only draws power from the battery when the display changes and is otherwise practically off; Amazon boasts that this allows a battery life of up to a month even with frequent use. In our testing, we found the battery drained quicker when the Kindle’s on-board Wi-Fi or 3G connections are put through their paces, but otherwise the battery life was pretty good. The Kindle lacks a backlight, another battery-saving measure, but this isn’t really a drawback because neither do books; if you’re really that bothered about reading in the dark, you probably can’t read anyway, buy some crayons and a colouring book instead.

As with any massive paradigm-shift, reading the device as you would a book takes a little getting used to. It’s definitely off-putting at first to have to focus on a screen, a specific area on the device, rather than scan the whole frame as you would a book. It’s a new sensation to be looking at one page at a time rather than having two pages visible at a time, but dual-screen would’ve looked odd and been rather unnecessary on the Kindle. Oddly, when you’re reading a book, a progress bar runs along the bottom of the display and shows what percentage through the title you’ve gone; suddenly, reading has become a numbers game. All these peculiarities were easy to become accustomed to, however, and after that it felt perfectly natural to read this way, as though you’re reading a small, changeable, piece of paper rather than a hefty book. The Kindle reading experience also comes with full control over text-size and screen orientation, in case you feel like reading upside-down, and full text-to-speech functionality, in case you ever feel like being read to by the speaking clock and, let’s face it, we all have at some time.

The Kindle's eInk screen is a polarising feature

Will the Amazon Kindle’s new incarnation write the final chapter for the printed word? No. Books are one of the oldest medium we have, and they’ve become so engrained on our culture that thinking that a single device can obliterate them in one fell swoop would be ludicrous. But could this undermine their place in our culture, usurped in the home and force them to retreat back to their secure sanctuaries: the libraries? Or will such a massive change turn out to simply be a gimmick, a niche idea that entertains the few but fails to take hold of the many? At this early stage in the life of the eBook Reader it’s very difficult to say; in fact, it’s not even worth making a prediction, time will tell.

The Amazon Kindle is available from Amazon.com, and is around £111 for the Wi-Fi only model and around £152 for the 3G and Wi-Fi model.

Don’t Pray for Australia

Thursday, January 13th, 2011

One of Twitter’s current trending topics is #prayforaustralia in support of the floods that have been rampaging through Queensland and have already sadly claimed 15 lives. Though I agree with the show of support, I have to question the logic of using the word ‘pray’ when surely, if you subscribe to such a faith, some God or other has already decided to condemn them by sending the floods in the first place.

Here’s my response on Twitter, which I think aptly sums it up:

Yes, let’s #prayforaustralia; while we’re at it, let’s sacrifice a goat. Stop praying and actually fucking do something: http://bit.ly/L64utless than a minute ago via web

Prayer has a demonstrable effect at doing precisely nothing. There is no sense in wasting your time on your knees in prayer when you could be putting that time to good use by donating to aid charities helping in Australia, like the Australian Red Cross. These charities will provide food, medical supplies, clothes and shelter to those injured or made homeless by the floodwater. These charities have a much better track record than any God, who is after all (if you believe in him enough to pray about it) the bloke who sent the floods in the first place, right?

Prayer may make you feel better, it may make you feel like you’ve done your bit to help; they may even appreciate the gesture. But in the end, that’s all it is: a gesture. Don’t waste your time, do something meaningful, significant and demonstrably helpful.

Donate now.